Forgiveness is a Choice

Matthew 6:14-15: 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

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This scripture makes it pretty clear that forgiveness is not optional.

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I mean, our Father literally forgave us everything...the smallest sin to the most heinous. Who are we to think we have a right to hold onto unforgiveness if our Savior did not?

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But what do we do with all the hurt? How do we forgive when it consumes our thoughts and emotions?

God wouldn't make this requirement of us if it weren't possible to forgive even the worst things done to us. He has made a way.

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What forgiveness is NOT:

• Acting like nothing happened.

• Forgetting (or pretending to forget).

• It doesn't make the pain magically disappear.

• It doesn't mean you don't wish for justice to be done.

• Allowing them access to hurt you again.

• A one-time, all done event.

• Giving the person your total trust & confidence again

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Trust takes 2 people...Forgiveness only takes one.

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What forgiveness IS:

• Canceling the debt they owe you for the wrong done.

• No longer expecting them to apologize.

• A choice...to forgive as you were forgiven.

• Choosing to not take revenge in any way.

• Determining to do good to those who hurt us, as our Savior did for us.

• Freedom for us in Christ!

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Where to Begin

First, let me share a story. We were going door to door in a city neighborhood to pray for people. We knocked on one door and the lady invited my partner and I in. We enjoyed some ice water while she shared her prayer requests with us. Her top request was healing from Fibromyalgia. As we prepared to pray, I heard Holy Spirit whisper, "Not yet." So, we kept talking and He revealed that this dear woman was holding unforgiveness in her heart toward someone. When I asked her about this, she told a story of a family member who had hurt her terribly. She ended with, "I'm not in unforgiveness, I just don't ever want to be around her again!"

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That is unforgiveness! We gently helped her to see the unforgiveness and talked with her about what the Bible says is our job as Christians with forgiveness. With tears, she confessed that she needed to forgive this woman. She did so right there, repenting of holding onto that forgiveness for years. At the end of our time, we prayed for healing for her. 

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An hour or so later, we passed her house on the way back to our cars. She ran out to stop us and tell us she had absolutely no pain for the first time in years! Her forgiveness opened the way for her body to be healed.

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So, this is where it begins...

A Choice

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We have to choose to forgive. It is an act of our will. I might say something like, "God, I don't want to forgive them. They really hurt me and I'm so angry! But your Word says that I have to forgive. So, I CHOOSE to forgive like You forgave me. Please help me mean it!"

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Thankfully God is big enough to handle our raw emotions and hurt. 

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Second...say that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you think about that person or what they did or you feel the hurt or sting again.

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The longer you do this, the easier it gets and you'll find that the times you think about the hurt/person get less and less.

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As God softens our hearts and helps us, we want to add a blessing.

​Did I lose you there? God's Word says to bless those who curse us. (Luke 6:28) I know it may sound impossible right now but as we obey God, He works in our hearts so that the forgiveness becomes real. We can pray a general blessing like "Lord, bless _____ right now in however they need it. Help them to feel Your presence and hear Your voice." Or we can get specific if we know areas where they have need or lack.

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One of the best ways to bless them is to pray scriptures over them. You can read more about that here.

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This is Not One and Done

Honestly, hold unforgiveness hurts us way more than it hurts the other person. We are slaves to that unforgiveness and like the lady in my story above, it can have a detrimental affect on our lives.

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This is not a one-time thing and then you have checked your box of forgiveness. This is a lifestyle. Every time we are wronged. Every time the hurt or anger or fear tries to rear it's ugly head. Every time we thing we can't stand it or the enemy reminds us how that person wronged us.

 

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